Over 2 years ago my husband and I made the decision most couples make...... a decision to start a family. Through that decision came alot of tears, a lot of pain, and a lot of heartache. Our journey to say the least has not been easy. Instead of joy we have felt loss, anger and hurt.
After countless doctors visits, the grief of a miscarriage, 2 surgeries and months of fertility treatment later we were told that our hopes of becoming pregnant may soon be over. Heartbroken and angry I blamed God. I didn't understand why I was being denied a baby. Why when pregnancy seemd to come so easily to others, I was being told NO? Why was God making me feel so strongly about having a family and then making the process so painful? I have struggled with these thoughts and many others. It seemed like each time we were offered a chance of hope, it was stripped away.
I have prayed to God for answers. I have cried to him, bargained, yelled and simply asked to be shown the path he has intended for me. As I prayed and finally allowed myself to become at peace with my fertility struggle it seemed like God was showing himself to me. Unfortunately, being the stubbon person I am, I pushed his will away. But of course he kept correcting my course and slowly through his persistence I began to see. I strongly feel that God is leading my down the path of adoption! Evan and I have talked about this idea for some time now. I am still not sure what the future for us will hold. I am trying to stay open to HIS plan. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV
